I am from flat streets in a place called Noe Valley

I am from unorganized shoe benches and sandy orange rugs in the entryway

I am from fans and vents that sound like a singing banjee as they are always running

Our family runs hot but the house is cold

I am from chaotic mornings

And chaotic nights

I am from little brothers named Ayan screaming about mining emeralds

I am from scratchy rainbow shaped sponges and “Fresh Rain” dish soap lathering on filthy plates

I am from oak dining tables that are more for decoration

I am from white stringy blankets that catch my tears at night after a hard day

I am from dad’s horrendous singing in the shower

And mom’s rolled amber eyes

I am from braided hair and old faded t-shirts 

And $20 “silk” pillowcases covering clouds that we sleep on

I am from pitch black rooms even though we hate the dark

This is where I’m from

I am from mask mandates and people screaming in agony

I am from honey bears scattered across the city in each and every window

I am from small shops of the city

And big ones in the suburbs

I am from the faint noise of CNN at night

I am from protests on the news 

Rascism

Sexism

Anything you could think of

People in SF will speak up about it

I am from traffic in the city 

And intensely waiting for green lights

I am from tight together houses

All smooshed

One by one

This is where I’m from

I am from piping chocolate croissants from Trader Joe’s

With little chocolate chunks falling out

I am from famous meatballs and specific pots

I am from stuffed pasta cabinets and nutty Parmesan that melts in your mouth

I am from flakey salt that claims it goes with any dish

I am from brothers that hate yogurt and parents that love it

I am from 20 ice containers and 1 ice cube actually made by the ice machine

I am from burnt pot holders and crispy potstickers

I am from dinners out at Barzotto and asking to take food off

This is where I’m from

I am from Nani’s wrinkled hands brushing my hair as she calls me Saira Munu Mithu Mithu Palou Palou Dumbuk Dumbuk

I am from my parents text bubbles of “Munku is at dance now!”

I am from a little cousin with long thick eyelashes

That I’m jealous of with my short stubby ones

Screaming at me for calling her Wiggles instead of Wiggle

I am from teachers mispronouncing my name as Sriracha, Sarai, Sarae, or Sara

When it’s really Saira

I am from Mom saying I need to rest more

And Ayan making fun of me when I say I need a towel

I am from walks and dinners with Dad

Me as the podcast

Him as the listener

This is where I’m from

I am from late foggy nights of doing homework tediously reminding myself of what my goals are

For high school you need to have top notch grades

For college you need to have top notch grades

For med school you need to have top notch grades

For a job you need to have top notch grades

To be considered smart to yourself, you need to have top notch grades

I am from a little 4 year old version of myself bringing a lavender Doc Mcstuffins set of tools to the doctors office

And wanting to pack the real ones home

I am from little medical kits and performing fake procedures on Dad’s hairy arms in 2015

I am from looking through my uncles old medical books in the “Haunted” room of Mom’s old house in Boca

I am from kiddy dance classes in Boston

Looking at myself leap in the mirror

I am from going to my parents after recitals to find bouquets of peonies that wither in a few days

I am from dances to songs from Sing with my brother and friends from preschool

I am from refusing to do ballet and wanting to do Hip-Hop only to have my mom sign me up for the elegance of pink leotards

And I like that one a lot better

I am from screaming in the car when I got into Velveteen Rabbit

And crying when I couldn’t do Uncertain Weather

I am from blisters of ballet slippers, headaches from buns

And itchy pink tights

I am from the warm feeling of stage lights penetrating into my skin

I am from laughing with dance friends and having jokes that nobody else understands

I am from whispering with my friends when COVID hit

And falling deep into zoom

Telling myself it would only be for a few weeks

When it wasn’t

I am from attempting to do floor work and stubbing my toe in the couch

I am from using dining chairs as barres

I am from crying during zoom dance class and hiding under my bed

I am from using dance as my only escape from my problems 

And having that being taken away

I am from the feeling of walking back into the dance studio

Dusty brown rugs and old wood floors

This is where I’m from