July 10, 1863 

Appomattox, VA

Dearest Jo,

It has been a week since those fateful days at Gettysburg. They are saying it was the bloodiest battle in the war with 49,000 casualties and counting.  The events of this battle were awful, I was sent to defend Culp’s Hill and the confederates swarmed us, gaining ground until darkness fell on the battlefield. The next day, there was more fighting on Culp’s Hill and there was an infantry assault by the Confederates on Cemetery Ridge. And the day after that, with heavy losses, we withdrew from the battle and retreated to Appomattox, Virginia where I am now.  

During the battle, I saw a past friend, Henry, whom I traded goods with from the South before the war. We stumbled into each other and he dropped his gun, both caught up in the chaos around us. Henry looked me in the eyes with terror, for he was a Confederate, my enemy. I was torn. Do I shoot my friend? Or run, and focus on another soldier to wound? If only to maintain my humanity and morals, I turned from him and headed to a different part of the battlefield. I couldn’t bring myself to kill a friend, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Even now I can still clearly picture the dismembered look in his eyes as if part of his soul had been replaced with a machine.  

As I’m writing this, I’m questioning whether or not it is worth it to be here. This war, these battles, lose so many lives. After having that horrible experience I think back and wonder if it will accomplish anything. I feel sad because I know the truth, that tomorrow I will drag myself out onto the battlefield and fight for my country though I know that the lives lost presently might be saved through a debate or other moral courses of action. I think of Henry when I speak of this. As I retreated on that dreadful day I saw his bloody, writhing body taking its last breaths in the dirt. I bowed my head and continued walking away, but in the corner of my eye I saw his chest rise and fall for the last time and my old friend died.  

I am missing you dearly. Please send Amy, March and Meg my love. I’m sorry I haven’t written everyday, I do try but sometimes I simply do not have the time. However, I am always thinking of you. 

Yours, 

William Laurie