June 20th, 1864, Wilderness, near Fredericksburg

Dearest Evelyn,     

Every day I am away from you, I miss you more. The past seven months without you have been very hard.  There have been battles for almost three whole weeks here. We’ve been fighting inside swampy woods near Fredericksburg. The swamp was set on fire a few days ago. More than a thousand men died due to drowning and being burned alive. I can’t shake the memory of my dear friend, Carl being burned then falling into the water. We found his body floating to the surface an hour later. Others weren’t even sure if it was him because his face had been almost completely burned off. But I could tell it was him. That was the worst battle I’ve experienced out here. Some of my fellow soldiers have been stealing the money and valuables from the dead soldiers. Although it is smart, I can’t bear the thought of someone else doing it to me. I choose not to steal from the dead.   

I sometimes question my faith in this country and wonder why we are fighting? As a confederate for the North, I see winning this war in our future. The South’s soldiers are dropping dead like flies and are running out of materials and food. Although life isn’t great as a confederate for the North, we have food, materials, and many more soldiers than the South. I can’t understand why the people fighting in the South want slavery. Slavery is horrible and should have never started, and yet these people from the South want to keep it a part of our society! Even though we may win, we will still have lost many soldiers. War doesn’t seem like the answer. 

The soldiers out here with me are strong, stronger than I am. Our days are long, and they start at dawn. We must go out and fight each day. We keep sane by playing cards, reading, and writing letters. We just got a new deck of cards, and socializing with other soldiers has helped me keep my humanity. The food isn’t great and I miss your home-cooked meals, especially corn and turkey. We have mostly been eating salt pork and hardtack. The only time I feel happiness is when I receive a letter from you, my love. I wish this war would end and I could be with you. You keep me fighting. I hope all is well at home. 

I love you,    

John