6/1/1863

Dear Pops,

Last week, May 24th, 1863 was the biggest day of my life. I woke up early. I tied my hair up, put my boots on, and I was out the door. The whole walk there I thought to myself – you are going to get caught. Don’t do this, it’s not worth it.– But it was too late. I arrived at the building. I was about to enlist into the war. The worker there looked straight into my eyes, I completely froze. “Are you here to enlist?” he asked. I nodded. He gave me a form, and I walked away. – Did I do it? – I thought to myself. I sat down to fill out the form. Basic stuff like name, date of birth, height, weight, and hair color. Once I was done I walked back up to the desk, my hands shaking. I kept my eyes down and handed the same man the form. I started to walk away then turned around back at the guy. He was still looking at me. I quickly turned around and walked out the door. 

Today was the first day of the war. It was the scariest day of my life. Our goal for today was to get to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. We marched for hours, which felt like days. I had to keep my “tough face” on, I couldn’t give my secret away. I kept my head down, hoping no one would talk to me. I needed to prove to myself I could do this. The only thing that I kept in my mind, was your son, my brother. His death kept me pushing and pushing myself until my whole body was numb. For a while, I kept my eyes on General Robert E. Lee. our general. I thought to myself, – how could one be so brave? Has he never experienced fear? –  I can still hear the first shot as I am writing this letter to you. The loud bang. I heard screaming…the war had begun. We took our guns off our shoulders and began to shoot. The guilt quickly set in. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. There were thousands of bodies left on the floor that day. Every time I blinked someone new was dead. Finally, we, the Union army retreated. I have never been happier. The killing and screaming was over. We have lost our humanity in one day. The only thing the war changed this day, was our humanity our common sense. I know this was a lot in one letter, but I can’t talk to anyone else. I really miss you and hope I can see you soon. How is everyone at home? Love you. 
Sincerely, Amanda Skyes