September 18, 1862

Union camp outside of Sharpsburg, MD

Dear Patrick,

I received your letter on the evening before the battle, but I had neither the time, nor the light to write you back. Rest assured, I am alive and well, although I am exhausted, as I did not sleep last night. I suppose you might be wondering about the battle, and I cannot blame you for that. General Burnside had ordered us to storm a bridge over the Antietam Creek, in order to drive the rebels back. I could not help but question the decision, as we came under fire from confederate sharpshooters the moment we came into their view. Half of my men were wiped out just getting to the bridge, and three quarters of the ones that remained were either wounded or killed. After hours of trying to achieve some sort of breakthrough, we finally got to the other side, but we were asked to guard the bridge overnight. Needless to say, I am exhausted, and would very much like to go to bed, but I know that mother, and Cara, will be worried sick, so although this letter is addressed to you, please share this with our mother, and sister.

My men have been restless today. I cannot blame them, as it greatly discomforts me how many cots lie empty in the camp. I cannot help but think that it is my fault that my men died. I can still see their faces in my head. How am I supposed to tell their loved ones? Am I supposed to tell them at all? It is at times like these, that I miss your wonderful way with words, and Cara’s reassuring presence. They would surely be a great help in these bleak times. All of this newfound free time that I have had these past few hours, has left me with more questions than answers. This war is bloody, and brutal, and we continually fight against men who were once our classmates, students, and teachers. Is the only point of this war to defeat the rebels? Are we not fighting for a greater cause? How are we to retain our humanity when all that we are surrounded by is pointless suffering? How are we to say that we are fighting for a just cause, when we are killing our fellow countrymen?

Needless to say, the events of the past few days have made me question why we went to war in the first place. When the war is over, when the dead have been buried and the fields are no longer soaked with blood, what will have changed? You know me better than most Patrick, so you know that I think of war as a necessary evil. Yesterday made me question that belief for the first time in a while. Hopefully this war will be over soon, so that I may come home. I am looking forward to your wise words.

Your brother,

Thomas