Dear Jay,
I think you were right not to join the war. I don’t think I should have asked you to join us, I don’t even know how I survived the attack on Fort Wagner, a small island off of South Carolina. It was last Saturday on July 18th, 1863, a date that sadly, everyone will remember. As you know, I am in the 54th Massachusetts Infantry, and we were well prepared, well trained, and well organized, but no one can stop death in that quantity, especially if both sides were killing. About 1,500 of us died, and I don’t even know how many of the Rebs were killed. But I heard it was a lot, otherwise we wouldn’t count it as a win. Almost half of the 54th is gone. I’m afraid that if you had agreed to join me in the fighting, one, or both of us would not be alive. In many ways, it was a terrible day for everyone, but it did get to show the organization, power, and control that the 54th had. After last Saturday, many doubters of new black soldiers were shut up.
That was, by far, the scariest day of my life. Gunshots were the only thing I could hear, death, fear and pain were the only things I could see or feel. Many of us are too haunted by that battle to keep functioning, but the ones who are still fighting and helping the Union cause are just thinking about the benefits of winning and the what will happen once we win the war. They’re not thinking or talking about what they’re doing, what they’ve done, or what they still have to do. I hope there isn’t too much left, but I’m afraid that won’t be the case. No one can win a war. Battle, yes, they can be technically won, but still, both sides end up killing and dying. War, however, is that but on a much larger, deadlier scale. Obviously this war is worth fighting, because it can mean the end of slavery for our people. Even once we do win this war, the fighting and struggling will not be over. I’m not sure that will ever truly end, but this is a massive start.
Until I write again,
Jahseh,