Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

November 13, 1861

Dear Henrietta,

I regrettably tell you that I will not be able to make it home as soon as promised. I have been mistaken for a Pennsylvanian and drafted into the 6th Cavalry Regiment. The officers won’t let me explain the situation, they’re saying I need papers to prove I’m a New Yorker. I NEED PAPERS TO BE DRAFTED INTO WAR! Yet, I board the train in a few minutes.

I wasn’t taking the war too seriously until recently when the Battle of Bull Run happened. Twas a shock that Confederates were advancing this close to our capital! Eighteen thousand unprepared Union soldiers set out to war unprepared, possibly writing a letter similar to the one I am writing now. My regiment, which they say will include almost one thousand men, now has a few factory workers and four officers. Furthermore, only one of our squadrons will have full equipment, the rest will only be armed with pistols and sabers. The Union is so caught up in the recent loss at Belmont that they cannot supervise the rest of the army! 

It’s even worse on the Confederate side. They barely have any food, let alone weapons. So many are fighting for their possessions, with slavery at risk if the Union wins. Their victories so far have been determined by sheer willpower (and, I suppose, the number of men). Fort Sumter was only won because it was 500 to 80!

It is truly shocking to see monsters like the Confederates on the battlefield. They have no respect for human life. They own people and then attack us for it! Though, as I was passing through the area after the Battle of Bull Run, I was amazed at how all the injured people, Union and Confederate, were up and leaving. They didn’t fight. They simply feared for their lives, knowing that this war was an act against human life. The moment when a Confederate asked me for a sip from my flask defined this for me. A soldier, fighting against me. A person, living alongside me. He just wanted to live, so I gave him a few sips. We get so caught up in the war that we forget what really matters. 

War changed me. It changed people, going about their lives. We all get caught up in the whirlwind. Sometimes, people talking about the war are even more merciless than the people fighting. Visionaries, politicians, and speakers all talk as if human life is not at stake, as if it’s a goal to win, and nothing else matters. They talk about lives as numbers. Soldiers can’t do that. War might accomplish things in the world, but it’s pure cruelty. In 200 years, people won’t think of the people sitting along the side when they think of heroes. They’ll think of the people acting out of love for what’s behind them, not bloodlust for what’s in front. 

Forever yours, 

Charles Bertram