September 17, 1862 – Near Antietam River

Dear Gilbert,

My day has been long, just sitting here knowing death is inescapable. It pains me to watch my life flash before my eyes, as does my bullet wound. I am sitting here next to the Antietam River, as the lead infection has me immobilized. My body will soon be dead when I finish this letter. I cannot express my sadness in a letter, but losing my best friend in the heat of war and knowing the Reaper is close is something. Seeing him get shot in the head, has me jealous, a quick and painless death, unlike my infection. The 17th day of September, in the year of 1862, will go down in the history books. Even I know that these many casualties in Sharpsburg, Maryland, will have an effect on almost every family. So as many as 10,000 to 30,000 men, dead, resting around me as I use the last of my parchment. I was one of the 500 men who held against Major General Ambrose Burnside’s flank with the Union IX Corps. They tried to cross the Antietam bridge, but we held for 3 hours, eventually, they prevailed. As I was wounded, I acted like I was dead, as the troops marched past. I was not able to run with my fellow Confederate soldiers, as I had gone down 1 hour into the siege, with a shot to my appendix.

You may not understand the impact war has on young boys like you, but seeing your brother leave at a young age will surely be influential. I never wanted to be left out, and seeing my friends be so happy to join in on the carnage had made me feel a feeling where I was destined to conform. Where I was destined to sacrifice my life for the inevitable victory of the North. The South is in shambles, we are going to lose. Sometimes, traitor talk is necessary, to get it into the heads of the delusional. The Yankees may be broken like us, but they have the resources. They have many men and about thousands guns. Every night I was in camp, I would play my harmonica softly as a lullaby, as I remember the hot days working in the fields. This war was a mistake, it will accomplish nothing, there will be many wars in the future with tech more advanced that you can think of. I am not proud to be a Confederate, but I am proud to die an American. I never liked the way Southeners used slavery, they used it as an excuse to “help whites advance in society”. Even though we never had slaves, I always thought it was unjust, everyone should be equal. Hopefully the war will end this, Unity with unequal rights will be a disaster. Take care of ma, having another person in the family dead will not be good for her.

Never forget, your brother,

Johnny