Dear Diary,                                                           April 9th, 1862

This might be the last time I can write to you. The battle of Shiloh is brutal, it happened just days ago on April 6th and bled into April 7th. I swear I saw 44,000 Confederates come out of nowhere. It was pouring rain, not a good day for a battle. It seemed like everyone was getting injured left and right, I heard the lieutenant claim there were almost 25,000 casualties. The battle was leaning towards us when their Supreme Commander of the western front was shot in the leg. That’s when the weight of the war shifted even more in our favor. This 5,000-acre battlefield definitely helped us win considering we had more troops. 

When our fleet was sucked into the battle of Shiloh, I was shocked. The Confederates snuck up on us from the south. Patrick and I had been on patrol when it happened. We ran back to the base to inform our superiors. I’ve never seen the Confederacy fight like they did then. Patrick was sent into the frontline while I was told to stay back and guard our base.  Almost a day went by of gunfire and loud bangs. At some point, I was given command to go out and fight. I wanted to make sure Patrick was alive. Stepping onto the battlefield, I couldn’t believe what I saw. The field in Shiloh was muddy and drenched. Injured men crawled all over, so blackened by the mud that it was hard to tell whose side they were on. Among them, I couldn’t even see where Patrick was. I called out his name but the only sound that answered back was the sound of the injured moaning. He’d been with me since the beginning. We joined the war because we thought it would be fun. Not being able to find Patrick, I aimed my rifle at the retreating soldiers and fired. I feel like I have grown so much, and in that moment in the battle, showed my growth. I am not proud of what I did but I knew it was for Patrick. Sometimes I debated whether or not to keep going, what does this do for me. I knew I did this for all the African Americans who deserved to be free, it’s not just about me. That’s what helps me stay sane through all this, knowing that I’m fighting for what is right. Now I’m fighting for Patrick too.