Mr. Haggle was used to getting everything he wanted because he would always negotiate and never take the asking price on the item he was buying. Mr. Haggle was the CEO of Half Foods Market (not to be confused with Whole Foods). When he woke up in the morning Mr. Haggle looked at the reminder he had set for himself; it read “Haggle with at least 3 people today.” He had never ever done less three. He turned off the alarm clock that he obtained by bartering with the president. Then Mr. Haggle drank his Half Foods half & half coffee and read the complaints of his customers.

Mr. Haggle often had a sudden urge to negotiate with someone but when there was no one to negotiate with, he went back to his letters. The first one read;

Dear Mr. Haggle, Your food is terrible. Just because there is a half price hotdog doesn’t mean it has to be HALF a hotdog! I have two kids, so I have to get four of your stupid half hotdogs to feed them. I have decided to shop at Whole Foods Market now. From, Mr. Criticize.

Mr. Haggle was used to getting these complaints. So he threw the letter he had gotten away and moved on. The next letter had a fancy casing and it was from Don Pepe Covetous (who constantly wants other people’s things). He opened it up and it read

Dear Mr. Haggle, I am buying Half Foods. From, Don Pepe Covetous (CEO of Amazon and now Half Foods) Ps: That means you are fired.

Mr. Haggle didn’t know what to think or say or do. So he marched off to Don Pepe Covetous’ house. “How dare you!” he said. The chaffer began:

“The only way I will let you keep your job is if you pay me $15.”

“13 dollars,” Mr. Haggle haggled.

“14,” responded Don Pepe Covetous, haggling back.  

“Five.”

“Nope, you are fired.” Mr. Haggle didn’t know what to think. Nobody had ever won a bargain with him. But Don Pepe Covetous always got what he wanted.

Mr. Haggle needed to get a job, and ideally a job that involved selling something. The first thing that popped into his mind was being a delivery person. So he walked down to the delivery store and they said he could get a job there. Mr. Haggle’s first delivery was a stethoscope to Dr. Beseech (who was always begging and pleading). When he arrived he realized he had only bargained one time that day, so he said that he would give it to him for $50. But Beseech said, “No, no please, please. Please 40 dollars, and why are you bargaining for this? I already paid online.” Mr. Haggle was confused. He went to his boss and said: “These people say they’ve already paid online.” His Boss said, “Yes, our customers have already paid for the product they are going to buy online.” So Mr. Haggle went back home and went to sleep.

The next day, Mr. Haggle woke up in the morning, got his coffee and was about to read his complaints but there were no complaints. Then he remembered what happened the day before. He had been so used to doing the same thing every morning until now. He didn’t know what to do, he had his coffee but no letters to read so he went to his new job. He was not used to this new morning routine. It was like training yourself to do something else besides the thing that you’ve been doing for a while. He went to deliver yet another stethoscope to Dr. Beseech. This time he didn’t bargain he just said “Here is your new stethoscope. I will give you a coupon so that you can get a cheaper price. “Thanks,” Mr. Beseech said, looking surprised. The next time he thinks about bargaining with someone he will just comply with them instead. Later, when he went back home, he was wondering if people like it when you don’t bargain. When Don Pepe Covetous bought Half Foods market he was upset with him, and he wished he hadn’t done that.

The next day Mr. Haggle went out in front of his old job (Half Foods Market) and got out the coupons that he still had from when he worked there. When somebody was about to walk into the new Half Foods he would give them a 50% discount. The next day he had officially changed his name to Mr. Comply.