It was a typical day for Don Pepe Covetous…or so he thought. D.P. Covetous got up and paced around the room, trying to decide what he wanted to wear. Instead of being happy with his own clothes, he spent time being covetous of what other people were wearing. Usually, he wanted what someone else liked. He thought for a minute, and then said, “I really want my friend John’s jeans on my body, but maybe wearing this cardigan will be better. But I really, really, really want to have a hat on, but it doesn’t match the cardigan. Eh, whatever.” He just couldn’t stop coveting what other people had!
Up and at ‘em. D.P. Covetous walked out his door with two cardigans he loved, three t-shirts he really wanted to wear and a hat that had some jewels on the trim. Walking down the street for another day at work, where he worked as an assistant store manager/waiter, he recalled how much he liked his friend who worked for him. His compassion was so intense for Victor, that people could call him Mr. Compassion. Don Pepe Covetous never really had many friends, although he wanted many, so many that he would probably get overwhelmed in a second.
As another option, he would often fancy himself going to Walgreens and getting a few of every kind of candy. And I mean every kind of M&M, Sourpatch, Bit O’ Honey, Gummi Bears, Haribo, Trolli Gummies, Jolly Ranchers, Hot Tamales, etc. He would go there and in his head, he was thinking, “I want that one, and that one, and the one, and all of them!”
As his friend came to mind, Don Pepe Covetous thought about who worked for whom. He realized that he did not know whom he worked for. Maybe he was the boss, maybe he worked for Vindictive Victor, or maybe he was just a waiter and not an assistant manager. Don Pepe Covetous didn’t really care, he was so eager to get one of everything this morning at the buffet and at his job.
His Burger King job was a perfect place for Don Pepe Covetous. At every single table he waited, he has said, “Ooh, I want that. Oh and that too. That Whopper looks beautiful, like the money in your pocket, I have a strong feeling to take what you have, so I will. I want that too, and that, oh and I think I will take this too. Oh, I’m sorry, everything you are ordering is what I want. I want all of that!” Don Covetous exclaimed as he ranted on.
Every day, he got a strong feeling of wanting and needing everything that others had. He wanted every single whopper, the bacon and cheese, original, and all the other burgers that come with copious amounts of soda.
As he started his morning stroll to the Hilton Hawaiian buffet, he met Lavish Laila, rocking that new Supreme-Gucci collaboration. Lavish Laila always wore luxurious and fancy exotic clothes; everything she had was luxurious or fancy.
Don Pepe Covetous waved to her, “Good Morning Lavish Laila! You have such a nice bucket hat! I want it really, really, really, really, really badly!” He said as he reached out to grab it.
Laila pulled back and said, “Why Good Morning Don Pepe, can you try to be more relaxed, or maybe less covetous? Well, why of course, you can’t be since you were born covetous,” Lavish Laila concluded.
DP Covetous walked away with the bucket hat, and then he saw his friend, Vindictive Victor. He looked exceptionally revengeful today. Maybe he was feeling vengeful towards Don Pepe Covetous?
“Wassup man, those are some nice White 270 Air Forces. I really want them, can I have them? I really want them, but I am holding myself back, you know what, I’m just gonna take them,” Don Pepe Covetous said, jittering in anticipation.
“I am really tired of you being so covetous, every single day, you come in wanting a Rolex so much. I can’t stand it. If you can’t change yourself, then you will stay jobless. I am taking revenge on all the time I have wasted dealing with you, so you are fired!” Vindictive Victor exclaimed.
“Ahem, first of all, I already have a Rolex, rose gold, gold, diamonds, and rubies baby!” DP Covetous said as he showed Vindictive Victor. “Second of all, I just can’t just stop being covetous, I was born this way, and I will stay this way ‘til I die!” He said smacking his chest proudly, “And third, I am your boss. You cannot fire me unless you are actually the boss, which you aren’t. So humph!”
They both stood there glaring at each other. Vindictive Victor wanted to tell him that he wasn’t the store manager, but that would just be time wasted dealing with Don Covetous, so Victor just decided to walk away.
“Fine walk away, you made me miss the buffet line. Now it is closed because of you.” Don Pepe Covetous retorted. “Great,” he thought, “now I have really wanted to work…so I will work for my buffet, that is in like 24 hours.” He turned in the direction of where his revengeful “frenemy” went.
Of course, that was not true, It was just that he did not have an appetite to eat anymore. So he decided to saunter down the roads of FFFFFFFF-Land. This is where he lived, always looking everywhere for people’s products. He found Captain Stodgy, who is always no help, and downright depressing.
Captain Stodgy said, “Oh, hello, are you here to inspire me? Well, I quit being a captain a long time ago…so boring I recall. Have a depressing day.”
So Don Pepe Covetous decided to call it a day. He went home and went to sleep. He slept night and day, night and day, night and day, dreaming about different commodities, luxurious as well as spartan. He just couldn’t help coveting everything!
Night and day, night and day, on and on until he woke up one and a half weeks later.
“Oh no! I slept too long, I guess thinking about what to do to get my job back, how to make my friend happy, and really wanting what everyone has, put me into a deeeep sleep.”
So he went down to his kitchen which rarely had anything in the pantries since he always coveted food from the buffet. “It is too late to go to the Hilton Hawaiian. I guess I will make myself a scrambled egg, with some yogurt, and jalapeños, and some honey and all the other stuff. Oh, I really want everything in my eggs. Let me go check the pantry.”
He opened the cabinet and saw that he had nothing in there, except for three small amber bottles in the back that read “Sketchy Slug Body Detoxer,” “Ancient Scroll on How To Be Sketchy” and “Reverse your Personality.”
“Why these must pertain to the previous tenant of this house, Mr. Sketchy.” He exclaimed, “I must have these. Wait a minute, ‘Reverse your Personality’ could help me. It could help me prove to Vindictive Victor that I can change. It could mean that everyone will stop abiding by my covetousness. Nooo! That means that I won’t be able to feel that feeling when I really want something, and then the rush I feel once I get it, and then another rush of anticipation.”
The cool glass bottle stung in his hand.
Don Pepe Covetous thought hard. Really hard. So hard that he thought for three days straight, night and day, night and day, night and day, this or that, this or that. Choose, choose, choose, his brain told him. So finally, he chose to use the bottle.
Little did D.P. Covetous know that it said on the inscription, “Lasts for one hour.” This did not occur to him that he should read the inscription or the serving size. But Don Pepe Covetous still drank it all, with that same strong desire to have a new personality.
The next day, D.P. Covetous was not in the mood for really wanting Laila’s lavish clothing; he was not in the mood for wanting a few of everything at the buffet. Instead, he walked down the street saying, “I do not want what you have, that feeling has left me.”
Everyone gazed at him flabbergasted. Vindictive Victor came running behind him, looking for revenge as usual. “Hey Don Pepe Covetous, I heard that you have changed. Took you long enough. Say do you want your job back? Double the pay and double the days you get for vacation. I will even give you more if you want. I need your help.”
Don Pepe responded, “I will take your job offer, but I do not want more days for vacation, your offer was just enough. Friends?” D.P. Covetous said as he stuck out his hand.
Vindictive Victor stared at him. Then he stuck out his hand and shook with Don Covetous. ”Friends,” he responded. “Don’t forget you start work on Monday. I’m glad you don’t have a strong feeling to take something anymore.”
From then on, Don Pepe Covetous was recognized as Don Pepe Satisfied. He no longer wanted everything that people had. He no longer had a strong feeling to take or acquire things. There was no need for him to take anything anymore. He no longer went to the Hilton Hawaiian buffet. He no longer took things from Lavish Laila. He was flabbergasted at how he did not want anything. He was fine with what he had; he was…satisfied.
It ended very differently as it had started for Don Pepe Covetous. Not only did he try to change his personality, but he also did change his personality. That’s what he really, really, really, really, really, really wanted. So I guess that it is…