July 2nd, 1863

Dearest Emma,

I can’t go on like this. This war is too bloody and gruesome for me to keep fighting. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, escaping from the war, going home to you and just living life, and Gettysburg was the last straw. This is unnecessary, all of this fighting, all of this blood. I’ve seen friends perish beside me as they shoot and stab their way through legions of Graybacks. All I can remember is the horror, the screaming. Why are we even fighting? Can’t we find a way to preserve the nation without losing all of these lives?

I ran away. I had to. I can’t bear the thought of dying and leaving you alone. I think of all of the lives that were lost, all of the children who no longer had fathers, and it practically made me run away. I would feel horrible if I left you without me, so I found the first chance I could and ran. I ran for all I was worth. Through the streets of Gettysburg to wherever the Union army isn’t.

The food there was scarce as hens’ teeth. I got no nutrition, I have barely any energy to carry me through the day. As I run from custody, from prison, I reflect on what I could have done to save all of the lives that were lost beside me. Brigadier General Buford told us to be strong, but I can’t. While I can distract myself with card games and music, nothing will stop me from this death, this misery.

As you may have heard, the Gettysburg campaign of the Confederates has been horrible and gory. They have been ravaging Pennsylvania ever since the third of June, killing Union soldiers left and right, and I just had to leave during the Battle of Gettysburg. The Graybacks rushed us on the first of July, which led to us retreating through the town of Gettysburg to the hills. In all of this mess, I managed to escape and just run, with only a uniform and knapsack.

As I am writing this to you, I hope that I survive and get to see you again. I hope not to get court-martialed and taken into custody. If I don’t make it, just know that I tried and fought in this horrible, gruesome, unnecessary war. And know that many, many lives were taken while trying to solve a problem that probably could have been solved another way. Thank you for getting me through this, your letters have given me motivation to fight and survive in these trying times.

Love,

William