Dearest Lilian,                              July 19, 1861 –           

                                                     Manassas, Virginia

I miss you deeply and I am longing for the day I will get to see your face again. I can’t believe I am missing all of little Charles’ important milestones. A few days ago a group of us soldiers were instructed by Brig. Gen. Irvin McDowell to go test the Confederates defenses. The fight had a small amount of casualties, but unfortunately my dear friend John was among them. Now, McDowell has made plans to attack the left part of Gen. Pierre G. T. Beauregard’s line. At the same time, he has also made a demonstration. I don’t know what will happen next but I can only assume the worst and hope for the best. 

I am mourning the death of my dear friend John. He was shot in the head during the fight, and it was a gory death. It was devastating to watch the life of one of my only friends here come to an end. The past couple of days without John have been sad and lonely ones. His death has given me a lot to think about. I am worried about what would happen if I were to die. Could you and Charles go on without me? I don’t even want to think about leaving you all alone. John’s last words have been haunting me. Replaying over and over inside my head. “Don’t give up William. Win this war for me.” This has been one of my only motivators to keep going. Along with you and Charles of course. I would not have made it this far in the war if it weren’t for you and Charles. When I first decided to enlist in the military I thought that it was my duty to serve my country and that I could handle it, but you don’t know the toll watching people die can have on a person. War is a miserable experience and it isn’t worth all that we lose. I wish this war would be over. I feel like most of the people here don’t even care about what we are fighting for and all I want is to come back home and feel safe again.  

Sincerely,

William